
                              ADMINISTRATIUM

     The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by 
physicists at PPPL. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no 
protons, but a large number of deputy neutrons, assistant neutrons, 
associate neutrons, division head neutrons, and branch head neutrons. Its 
massive nucleus is held together by a force that involves the continuous 
exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

     Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be 
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. 
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one 
reaction to take over seven days to complete, when it would normally occur 
in less than one second.

     Administratium has a normal half life of approximately one year, at 
which time instead of decaying it undergoes a reorganization in which some 
neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic weight 
actually increases after each reoganization. This phenomenon has been named 
the Moronic effect.

     Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs 
naturally in the atmosphere and tends to concentrate at government 
agencies, large corporations, universities, and nuclear fusion 
laboratories. Invariably, it is found in the newest and best maintained 
buildings.

     Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any 
level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where 
it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how 
Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but 
results to date are not promising.
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