TELECOMMUNICATIONS IN THE ADAM WORLD, A VERY IMPORTANT TOPIC.  

I WILL START AT A VERY BASIC LEVEL ASSUMING YOU KNOW NOTHING 
ABOUT TELECOMMUNICATIONS.  I WILL WORK UPTO AND FINALLY END BY 
TELLING YOU HOW YOU , YES YOU, CAN BECOME A SYSOP JUST LIKE 
HERMAN MASON OR MIKE HURST.

WELL MAYBE NOT JUST LIKE HERMAN OR MIKE, I THINK THEY DEVELOPED 
THEIR METHOD OF SYSOPING OVER MANY YEARS, IN FACT I DONT THINK 
YOU WOULD WANT TO BE JUST LIKE HERMAN OR MIKE.  AT LEAST I HOPE 
NOT ??

JUST KIDDING, Both Herman and Mike are fine people and good 
sysops.  

WELL TO THE SUBJECT AT HAND, .........  I AM SURE SOME OF YOU ARE 
ASKING---HOW DO YOU USE THE MODEM FOR TELECOMMUNICATION---WHAT DO 
YOU DO----WHAT DO YOU NEED--ETC.  ?????

IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT I HAVE A FRIEND, A VERY CLOSE FRIEND 
NAMED LEROY WHO WROTE A BOOK ON HOW TO TELECOMMUNICATE WITH ADAM.  
IT WAS ORIGINALLY CALLED :

 HOW TO TELECOMMUNICATE WITH ADAM.

 WHILE AN EXCELLENT BOOK, IT WAS NOT A BEST SELLER 
 SO LEROY RETITLED IT AS 
 NURSE NANCY'S NAUGHTY NEW WAYS TO TELECOMMUNICATE WITH ADAM.  

 SALES DID PICK UP AND THAT IS THE TITLE YOU SHOULD LOOK FOR IT 
YOU WANT TO PURCHASE THIS EXCELLENT BOOK.

I WILL USE PORTIONS OF THIS BOOK IN MY LECTURE BUT NOT THE ENTIRE 
BOOK.  I REALLY RECOMMEND YOU PURCHASE LEROY'S BOOK FOR FULL AND 
COMPLETE INFORMATION.

HOW DO I KNOW THIS IS A GOOD BOOK TO HAVE, WELL LEROY IS A CLOSE 
FRIEND AND I AM FAMILAR WITH HIS WORK.

HOW CLOSE A FRIEND IS LEROY ??? WELL WE SHARE THE SAME POST 
OFFICE BOX, STREET ADDRESS AND BANK ACCOUNT.  SO YOU CAN SEE WHY 
I HAVE COMPLETE FAITH IN LEROY AND WHY I STRONGLY RECOMMEND YOU 
PURCHASE HIS BOOK.

I WILL GIVE YOU A SUMMARY FROM THE LEROY'S BOOK ON 
TELECOMMUNICATIONS, WHICH IS FOR SALE WHEREVER THE POLICE WILL 
ALLOW IT, AT SLEEZY BOOKSTORES EVERYWHERE).  FROM CPMERS IN DARK 
DOORWAYS.

NOW TO THE SUBJECT AT HAND.......

THE BOOK BEGINS BY INSTRUCTING YOU TO .......

l.  GET AN ADAM COMPUTER.

 NOW HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE AN ADAM COMPUTER.  RAISE YOUR HANDS..
 GREAT, GREAT MUCH MORE THAN I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT.

2.  GET A MODEM.  (AN OBVIOUS NEED BUT ONE THAT THE AVERAGE USER 
IS SURE TO OVER LOOK.).

 HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE MODEMS, RAISE YOUR HANDS.
 WELL THATS A VERY GOOD START.

3.  GET A TELEPHONE.  (ANOTHER ASPECT OFTEN OVERLOOKED BY NOVICE 
MODEMERS)

 HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE TELEPHONES ??
 GOOD.
 HOW ABOUT INDOOR PLUMBING, RAISE THOSE HANDS.

4.  PURCHASE ELECTRIC SERVICE FROM YOUR LOCAL UTILITY AS THIS IS 
ALSO IMPORTANT.

RIGHT AWAY YOU CAN SEE HOW VALUABLE THIS LITTLE BOOK IS.  HERE 
ARE FOUR THINGS YOU MOST LIKELY WOULD HAVE OVERLOOKED BUT LEROY 
GIVES YOU INSIDE INFORMATION IN HIS BOOK.

5.  PURCHASE PHONE SERVICE FROM YOUR LOCAL PHONE CO.  AS THIS IS 
ALSO IMPORTANT.

6.  HIRE ELECTRICAL/NUCLEAR ENGINEER TO HOOK UP PHONE, MODEM AND 
COMPUTER.  OR IF YOU ARE RICH AND CAN AFFORD TO REPLACE YOUR 
ENTIRE SETUP, SHOULD IT EXPLODE, HOOK IT UP YOURSELF.

7.  SEND LEROY $l00.00.  (THIS ADVICE APPEARS VERY OFTEN AND 
THEREFORE MUST BE OF PRIME IMPORTANCE SO DO IT)

8.  BUY FROM LEROY THE PRIVATE UNLISTED PHONE NUMBERS OF THE RICH 
& FAMOUS BBSs AND BBS OPERATORS (WHICH ARE CALLED SYSOPS--TERMS 
EXPLAINED IN THE COMPETITIVELY PRICED COMPANION DICTIONARY OF 
TERMS THAT CAN BE PURCHASED TO GO WITH LEROY'S LESSONS).

9.  BUY, READ AND STUDY ALL BOOKS LISTING NAMES TO NAME YOUR 
BABY.  (LOOK AT MATERNITY DEPARTMENT OF STORES).  STUDY THIS 
CAREFULLY AS WELL AS AT LEAST THREE FOREIGN LANGUAGES , BESIDES 
CP/M.  WHY WILL BECOME EVIDENT WHEN WE GET TO STEP l2 BELOW.

10.  SEND LEROY $l00.00.

l1.  GO BACK TO STEP 9 (BABY NAMES) AND COMPLETE IT AGAIN, GO TO 
STEP 10 (LEROY $l00.00) , COMPLY WITH THAT AND THEN GO TO STEP 
l2.

l2.  PICK OUT YOUR HANDLE (LIKE AN ALIAS OR ALSO KNOWN AS) AND 
PASSWORD (LIKE OPEN SESAME, SHAZAM, ETC.).  YOU WILL NEED A 
HANDLE AND PASSWORD FOR MOST BBSS.  ITS LIKE JOINING A SECRET 
CLUB WITH CODE WORDS, PASS WORDS, SECRET RITUALS, SECRET HAND 
SHAKE, HUMAN SACRIFICES ETC.

13.  NEXT GET A LARGE SUPPLY OF FOOD, DRINK, PORTABLE BATHROOM 
FACILITIES, SHAVING OR OTHER PERSONAL HYGENE EQUIPMENT, ETC.  
READY BY YOUR MODEM/COMPUTER/PHONE AREA.

l4.  NEXT TAKE LEROY'S LEARN TO TYPE COURSE, CORRESPONDANCE 
COURSE ONLY.  

l5.  YOU ARE NOW READY TO CALL YOUR FIRST BBS.

THIS WILL PUT US INTO CHAPTER 2, SO FROM THIS POINT ON I WILL 
START NUMBERING THE LESSONS AS A,B,C,etc.  AS THESE WILL BE WHAT 
TO DO WHILE
YOU ARE ON-LINE (I LIKE THAT TERM, DON'T YOU, ON-LINE, LIKE THAT 
TERM,

ITS A TECHNICAL TERM WHICH IS DEFINED IN LEORY'S COMPANION 
DICTIONARY AS INDICATED ABOVE).  (DO BUY LEROY'S COMPANION 
DICTIONARY, A MUST HAVE BOOK) .

A.  DIAL YOUR BBS FROM THE LIST PREVIOUSLY PURCHASED FROM LEROY.

B.  READ THE SCREEM AS THE BBS ANSWERS YOUR CALL.  IT WILL ASK 
SOME QUESTIONS,

WHICH YOU WILL BE PREPARED TO ANSWER IF YOU HAVE TAKEN LEROY'S 
COMPUTER LITERACY COURSE AND LEROY'S MODEM LITERACY COURSE, HAVE 
PURCHASED YOUR CAP AND GOWN, YOUR DIPLOMA, YOUR GRADUATION 
PICTURES, ETC.

C.  SOME OF THE QUESTIONS WILL DEAL WITH YOUR PASSWORD, CODE 
WORD, HANDLE, AGE, WEIGHT, NATURAL HAIR COLOR, EINSTEIN'S THEORY 
OF RELATIVITY, ETC.  ALL OF WHICH YOU WILL BE PREPARED FOR IF YOU 
HAVE FOLLOWED STEPS 6 & 9 ABOVE.  (SEND LEROY $l00.00)

D.  AFTER THIS GRUELING EXAMINATION (GRUELING FOR THOSE OF WHO DO 
NOT FOLLOW MY ADVICE AND BUY LEROYS BOOKS) THE BBS WILL SAY YOU 
ARE "VERIFIED" (SEE LEROY'S COMPANION DICTIONARY FOR MEANING).

E.  AT THIS POINT YOU WILL BE GIVEN CHOICES AS TO WHAT YOU WANT 
TO DO,ETC.  USUALLY BY MEANS OF A MENU OF CHOICES.  DO NOT FALL 
FOR THIS TRICK OF THE SYSOP.  

F.  MOST SYSOPS ARE PAID BY THE HOUR AND THEREFORE ALL THEY WANT 
TO DO IS PUT IN THEIR TIME WITH AS LITTLE PROBLEMS, EFFORT AND 
INTERUPTIONS AS POSSIBLE.  SO THEY HAVE SET UP THIS MENU SO YOU 
WILL DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP.

G.  HIT C(HAT) FOR CHAT ON MOST BBSs AND CHECK ON OTHERS TO SEE 
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO CALL THE SYSOP.

H.  LET HIM EARN HIS LIVING.  DON'T BOTHER LOOKING OVER THE MENU, 
JUST TELL THE SYSOP WHAT AREA YOU WANT TO SEE.  HE CAN GET YOU 
THERE QUICKER THAN YOU COULD DO YOURSELF.  IF HE IS HESITANT 
REMIND HIM WHO PAYS HIS SALARY.

I.  IF THE ABOVE FAILS, DO NOT THREATEN TO GO TO ANOTHER BBS, AS 
HE MAY HAVE ONE HE IS IN COMPETITION WITH AND WILL TRY TO SEND 
YOU THERE TO MAKE HIS RIVAL WORK.  INSTEAD THREATEN TO HAVE ALL 
YOUR FRIENDS CALL HIS BBS AND TELL HIM YOU WILL GIVE THEM ALL OF 
LEROY'S SECRETS INCLUDING THE C(HAT) SECRET.  THIS WILL USUALLY 
BRING HIM AROUND.

J.  ONE AREA YOU WILL WANT TO SEE WILL BE THE MESSAGE AREAS, 
PRIVATE AND PUBLIC.

AS THESE MESSAGE AREAS WILL REQUIRE SOME FURTHER INSTRUCTION 
(WHICH CAN BE QUICKLY OBTAINED BY PURCHASING LEROY'S MESSAGE 
LESSONS), I WILL AGAIN CHANGE GOING BACK TO NUMBERS, SO AS TO 
KEEP THIS SECTION SEPARATE ALSO.  MESSAGES:

YOU WILL SEE MESSAGES AND PROBABLY WANT TO LEAVE ONE OF YOUR OWN.

NOW I KNOW YOU ARE THINKING THAT YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THIS 
DIFFICULT
FEAT REQUIRING WHAT LOOKS LIKE YEARS OF EXPERIENCE AND SKILL.

WELL AGAIN LEROY SAVES THE DAY.  IT IS REALLY SIMPLE AS WE SHALL 
SEE.

l.  ONE EASY WAY TO LEAVE A MESSAGE IS TO JUST COPY SOME OTHER 
MESSAGE WORD BY WORD, LETTER BY LETTER AND THEN LEAVE IT AS YOUR 
OWN.  AT BEST NO ONE WILL NOTICE THAT IT IS A COPY OF ANOTHER AND 
AT WORST JUST BLUFF YOUR WAY OUT CLAIMING THAT YOUR MESSAGE WAS 
LEFT FIRST AND THE OTHER PERSON COPIED YOUR MESSAGE.

2.  IN CASE YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE'S MESSAGE THAT 
SAYS WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY AND THEREFORE COPYING ANOTHER'S MESSAGE 
WILL NOT WORK, GO TO STEP 3.

3.  SEND LEROY $l00.00.

4.  BE SURE NO ONE IS LOOKING OVER YOUR SHOULDER, WHAT I AM ABOUT 
TO TELL YOU IS SO SIMPLE, SO TRUE, BUT SO SELDOM REALIZED THAT 
YOU CANNOT TAKE A CHANCE ON SOMEONE ELSE SEEING THIS.

5.  HERE IT IS ----------MESSAGES ARE JUST

A SERIES OF SYMBOLS, NUMBERS AND LETTERS IN VARIOUS GROUPINGS AND 
ORDER.  THAT'S IT.  THE SECRET OF MESSAGES.  YOU JUST TAKE 
LETTERS, NUMBERS AND SYMBOLS AND ARRANGE THEM IN VARIOUS 
(PLEASING TO THE EYE) PATTERNS AND SH APES AND YOU WILL HAVE 
CREATED MESSAGES.

6.  NOW FOR FANCY MESSAGES.  YOU CAN LEAVE MESSAGES THAT MAKE YOU 
LOOK LIKE YOU ARE AN EXPERT IN CP/M .  AGAIN BE SURE NO ONE IS 
LISTENING OR LOOKING OVER YOUR SHOULDER, THIS ONE IS A HIGHLY 
GUARDED SECRET.

7.  JUST USE THE FOLLOWING APPROXIMATELY EVERY 4TH OR 5TH WORD.  
(USE IN ANY ORDER, MAY REPEAT IF YOU WISH).  SQUEEZE, UNSQUEEZE, 
CRUNCH, UNCRUNCH, LIBRARY, DELIBRARY, ARCHIEVE, DE- 
ARCHIEVE,.COM,.TXT,.ARC,.IMP,.ZMP,.CHIMP,TDOS,VDOS,VD- 
DOSE,FALCO,XMODEM,YMODEM, ZMODEM,MEMODEM,UMODEM,HE-SHE OR IT-MOD 
EM,.LIB,CRN,IZP, (FOR FURTHER TERMS TO USE WHEN SPEAKING CP/M, 
PURCHASE LEROY'S LAMGUAGES OF THE WORLD, Vol.12-CP/M).

8.  TO APPEAR TO BE AN OLD PRO AT MODEMING, USE THE FOLLOWING 
TERMS, MUCH IN THE WAY INDICATED FOR CP/M ABOVE........DOWNLOAD, 
DL,UPLOAD,UL,SYSOP, ACCESS LEVEL, SUBOP.HOP-OP,SOCK-HOP, RAM 
DRIVE, ADAMLINK34.5+++ (PURCH ASE LEROY'S MASTERING THE MODEM FOR 
MIDGETS).

9.  NOW WE WILL CONCLUDE YOUR USE OF THE MODEM.  (AGAIN I CHANGE 
TO LETTERS TO KEEP THIS SEPARATE).

A.  NEVER TIP A SYSOP.  THEY ARE ALL WELL PAID AND IT IS NOT 
PROPER TO TIP THEM.

B.  AGAIN MAKE THEM DO THEIR JOB.  WHEN YOU WANT TO SIGN OFF, 
TELL THEM YOU DEMAND THEY GIVE YOU A FORCED SIGNOFF (THIS HAS THE 
LEAST AMOUNT OF WORK FOR YOU).

C.  IF THEY REFUSE #B (THE FORCED SIGNOFF) , THEN DO NOT BOTHER 
TO GO THRU THE LONG PROCEDURE OF FORMALLY SIGNING OFF, ANSWERING 
SOME DUMB QUESTIONS, ETC.  JUST HANG UP.  IF THE SYSOP WAS RUDE, 
DO NOT MERELY HANG UP BUT SLAM THE PHONE DOWN.

D.  SEND LEROY $l00.00.

E.  CONSIDER LEROY'S OTHER COURSE........
 HOW TO USE YOUR BATHROOM.
 HOW TO COOK ON YOUR CAR'S ENGINE BLOCK.
 AUTO-WINDOW REPAIR .

NOW I KNOW YOU ARE SAYING, HEY BEING A BBS CALLER DOESN'T SOUND 
BAD BUT AN EXECUTIVE TYPE LIKE MYSELF, WELL I AM PROBABLY BETTER 
QUALIFIED TO RUN A BBS, HOW DO A GO ABOUT THAT.

WELL THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY.

TODAY I JUST HAPPENED TO RECEIVE IN THE MAIL A NEAT LITTLE 
BROCHURE..........

I'LL READ IT TO YOU.........

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES............THAT
YOU CAN TRAIN FOR AT HOME IN YOUR SPARE TIME.
SEND TODAY FOR FREE FACTS AND A COLOR BROCHURE THAT COULD START 
YOU TOWARD A SATISFYING NEW CAREER AND CHANGE YOUR LIFE .  NO 
OBLIGATION !

NO SALESMAN WILL VISIT OR CALL.

THE DECISION TO INVEST YOUR TIME, ENERGY AND MONEY IN PREPARING 
FOR A NEW CAREER IS NOT A SIMPLE ONE.  YET IT MAY BE THE MOST 
IMPORTANT DECISION YOU WILL EVER MAKE.  IT CAN OFFER YOU THE 
OPPORTUNITY TO QUALIFY FOR THE JOB YOU W ANT....MORE MONEY, 
SECURITY AND A BETTER WAY OF LIFE.

WOW THIS IS POWERFUL STUFF.

CHOOSE A SPECIALIZED ASSOCIATE DEGREE OR SPECIAL TRAINING LEADING 
TO A CAREER DIPOLMA.

LEARN FROM SPECIALISTS !  HOME STUDY MAKES IT EASY TO GET THE 
CAREER TRAINING YOU REALLY WANT.

THIS MONTHS SPECIAL CAREERS (ONE-HALF OFF IF YOU ENROLL 
TODAY).......

BBS SYSOP.  YES YOU CAN BE BROADCASTER WITHIN WEEKS WITH A 
STATION OF YOUR OWN AND CAN PROGRAM YOUR OWN MATERIAL.  UNABLE TO 
GET A JOB IN TV (NOT MOVIE STAR HANDSOME), UNABLE TO GET A JOB IN 
RADIO (SQUEEKY VOICE), WELL YOU NOW can BE THE BOSS OF YOUR OWN 
BBS.  YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE HANDSOME NOR HAVE A WONDERFUL VOICE.  
All YOU NEED TO DO IS TAKE OUR CORRESPONDANCE COURSE IN SYSOPING.  
INCLUDED ARE:  BBS l0l, BBS 20l, BBS 30l, CP/M(in 2 easy lessons) 
303, EOS (IN l EASY LESSON) 305, DISK DRIVE 40l AND ADVANCED HARD 
DISK DRIVE 50l.

LOOKING AT PRIVATE MESSAGES FOR FUN & PROFIT,60l.

ALSO IF YOU SEND YOUR MONEY TODAY, YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR OWN 
BUILD IT YOURSELF HARD DRIVE KIT (SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED) AS WELL 
AS YOUR 24,000 BAUD MODEM XL-5, PLUS A COMPLETE LIBRARY OF EVERY 
THING COLECO EVER PUBLIS HED ON THE SUBJECTS OF 24,000 BAUD 
MODEMS, HARD DRIVES AND 2,000 K MEMORY BOARDS.

ACCREDITED BY COLECO CORRESPONDANCE COURSES.

WRITE TODAY TO:  INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS ACADEMY OF SYSOPS OR

I.B.A.  SYSOP, 2392l l/3 SO.  MAIN ST., SWAMPLAND, Fl.  3434345.

WELL NOW YOU HAVE LEARNED HOW TO USE A BBS, HAVE SEEN THE CAREER 
OPPORTUNITIES IN SYSOPING AND YOU MAY BE WONDERING WHAT ELSE CAN 
I DO WITH A MODEM.

YOU WONDER, IS THIS ALL THERE IS, IS THERE ANYTHING MORE.  THE 
ANSWER IS

YES, WITH YOUR MODEM YOU HAVE AN INSTRUMENT OF GREAT POTENTIAL 
OFFENSIVE AND DEFENSIVE USE EVERY KNOWN TO MANKIND OR THE 
CIVILIZED WORLD.  THE FOLLOWING IS BASED UPON T HE EXPERIENCES OF 
A FICTIONAL PERSON NOT MEANT TO REFLECT UPON ANY ADAMITE LIVING, 
DEAD OR IN BETWEEN, AND SHOULD NOT BE CONSIDERED AS MEANT TO 
INFLUENCE ANYONE TO USE THEIR MODEM FOR OFFENSIVE OR DEFENSIVE 
PURPOSES.  WE WILL CALL OUR FICTIONAL CHARACTER ADAM TO PROTECT 
IDENTITIES,ETC.

NOW ADAM HAD A MODEM.  ADAM ALSO HAD LOTS OF FRIENDS, ENEMIES, 
CLIENTS, SALESMEN, ETC.  WHO WOULD CALL POOR ADAM AT ALL HOURS OF 
THE DAY OR NITE FOR ALL SORTS OF REASONS, SOME GOOD, MOSTLY BAD 
OR NUSIAN CE.  ADAM WOULD BE SLEEPING AND GET PHONE CALLS LATE AT 
NIGHT OR EARLY IN THE MORNING BEFORE HIS ALARM WENT OFF; ADAM 
WOULD BE ENTERTAINING HIS DATE IN THE BEDROOM OR OTHER ROOMS AND 
THE PHONE WOULD RING; ADAM W OULD BE IN THE BATH OR SHOWER OR 
DOING OTHER THINGS IN THE BATH ROOM AND THE PHONE WOULD RING.  
HAPPENS TO ALL OF US BUT ADAMS ENEMIES, SALESMEN, ETC.  WOULD 
RING AND RING AND RING UPTO 50 TIMES TRYING TO GET AN ANSWER WHEN 
THEY CALLED.  THIS WOULD EVENTUALLY RUIN ADAM'S SLEEP, BATH OR 
WHATEVER ELSE HE WAS DOING.  TALKING AND PLEADING WITH THESE 
PEOPLE HAD NO EFFECT.  HERE COMES THE DEFENSIVE USE OF YOUR 
MODEM.

ADAM LOADED HIS MODEM SOFTWARE, PRESSED THE PROPER KEYS TO ENTER 
A NUMBER TO DIAL, ENTERED THE NUMBER l (SOMETHING THAT WOULD DIAL 
QUICKLY) AND THEN SET HIS MODEM SO THAT THE DIAL NUMBER KEY WAS 
ALL THAT WAS NEEDED TO BE PUSHED TO START HIS MODEM WORKING.  NOW 
YOU NON-MODEM PEOPLE MUST UNDERSTAND THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED A 
CARRIER WHICH IS A SOUND YOUR MODEM PRODUCES TO CONNECT WITH 
OTHER MODEMS.  IT IS AN ARTIFICAL MACHINE TYPE SOUND, NOT 
UNPLEASANT BUT NOT RE ALLY PLEASANT EITHER, A LOUD LONG SOUND 
WHICH CONTINUES UNTIL THE MODEM IS DISCONNECTED BY THE KEYBOARD.  
ADAM GAVE THE NUISANCE CALLERS 20 OR 30 RINGS AS MANY AS HE COULD 
STAND, THEN HE WOULD MAKE HIS WAY TO HIS COMPUTER, PRESS THE DIAL 
NUMBER KEY AND THE NUMBER l WAS QUICKLY DIALED AND THE NUSIANCE 
CALLER IMMEDIATELY AND UNEXPECTEDLY WAS HI T WITH THE LOUD 
CARRIER TONE, IN OTHER WORDS, THE

CALLER WAS ZAPPED BY ADAM'S MODEM.

USUALLY THIS IS ENOUGH TO CONVINCE THE NUSIANCE CALLER TO FIND 
OTHER AND EASIER PREY.  THIS IS THE DEFENSIVE USE OF YOUR MODEM.  
SOMETHING I AM SURE COLECO INTENDED BUT NEVER GOT AROUND TO 
PUTTING INTO THE MANUAL.  THE MODEM MAY ALSO BE USED OFFENSIVELY.  
BESIDES THE VERY OBVIOUS BASHING SOMEONE IN THE HEAD WITH YOUR 
MODEM (A PRACTICE I DO NOT ENDORSE DUE TO THE POSSIBILITY OF 
DAMAGING YOUR MODEM AS WELL AS A LAWSUIT),

THERE ARE OTHER OFFENSIVE USES OF THE MODEM.

THESE CAN BE FOR REASONS SIMILAR TO THE DEFENSIVE USE OF THE 
MODEM, NUSIANCE CALLERS, ETC.  AS WELL AS YOUR JUST WANTING TO 
LET OFF STEAM, HAVE SOME FUN, ETC.  ALSO FOR SOME THERE WILL BE 
VICIOUS TENDENCIES, DESTRUCTIVE TENDEN CIES, ETC.  WHICH IV 
RELEASED WILL RESULT IN JAIL TIME AND IF KEPT BOTTLED UP WILL 
CAUSE PHYSICAL PROBLEMS, SUCH AS ULCERS, NERVOUS BREAKDOWN, 
PREMATURE GRAYING OF THE HAIR, BALDNESS, ETC.  NO ONE SHOULD HAVE 
TO SUFFER SUCH THINGS WHEN THEY HAVE A MODEM HANDY.

YOU MAKE USE OF THE CARRIER TONE AGAIN BUT YOU DO NOT WAIT FOR 
PEOPLE TO CALL BUT STRIKE OUT AT THOSE WHO DESERVE SUCH 
TREATMENT, SUCH AS :  SOFTWARE PIRATES, DEALERS WHO DON'T SEND 
ORDERS, DOOR TO DOOR SALESMEN, LATE N IGHT CALLERS, PEOPLE WHO 
LOOK DOWN ON THE ADAM, COLECO OFFICALS, BASEBALL UMPIRES, THE 
WAITER WHO FORGOT YOUR TABLE FOR TWO HOURS, THE PERSON WHO 
SPILLED POPCORN ON YOU AT THE SHOW, PEOPLE WHO DON'T LAUGH LOUD E 
NOUGH WHEN YOU GIVE A TALK, ETC.  THE LIST COULD GO ON FOREVER.

SO HERE I HAVE GIVEN YOU OTHER GOOD REASONS TO PURCHASE AND USE A 
MODEM.  SEE HOW MUCH FUN TELECOMMUNICATIONS CAN BE, EVEN WHEN YOU 
DO NOT HAVE A TECHNICAL BACKGROUND.

NOW I KNOW EVEN THOUGH I HAVE SHOWN YOU THE JOYS OF 
TELECOMMUNICATIONS, THE OFFENSIVE AND DEFENSIVE USE OF YOUR 
MODEM, HOW TO BECOME A SYSOP, AND EVEN MORE EXCITING THINGS, SOME 
OF YOU ARE SAYING , HEY WHAT IF All This DOESN'T WORK OUT, WILL I 
BE STUCK WITH A MODEM I CAN'T USE.

GLAD YOU ASKED THAT FOLKS.  IT APPEARS THAT LEROY HAS ANOTHER 
BOOK FOR SALE, CALLED HUNDREDS OF OTHER USES FOR YOUR MODEM.

SINCE I PROMISED LEROY I WOULD ONLY GIVE OUT A FEW OF THESE 
HUNDREDS OF USES, I WILL JUST COVER THESE VERY LIGHTLY AND 
SUGGEST YOU PURCHASE LEROY'S BOOK TO GET THE COMPLETE LIST OF 
MODEM USES.

l.  USE AS A DOOR STOP.  (THIS ASSUMES YOU ARE NOT ALREADY USING 
YOUR ADAM CPU AS THE DOOR STOP).

2.  TAPE TO YOUR CAR OR HOUSE WINDOW AND PEOPLE WILL THINK IT IS 
A BUGLAR ALARM.

3.  TO HELP BALANCE OUT YOUR ADAM SET UP.  MY SET UP HAS MY DISK 
DRIVE ON THE BOTTOM WITH THE PRINTER BALANCED ON IT, THE CPU THEN 
IS BALANCED ON THE PRINTER, WITH MY SECOND DISK DRIVE ON TOP OF 
THAT.  I FORGET WHERE THE POWER SUPPLY IS BUT ITS IN THERE SOME 
WHERE.  ANYWAY, SOME TIME YOU WILL FIND THIS DOES NOT BALANCE 
WELL AND THE ENTIRE STACK FALLS OVER ON THE FLOOR.  THIS IS VERY 
UPSETTING AS YOU MUST THEN REBUILD THE WHOLE THING.  I HAVE FOUND 
THAT A MODEM PLACED WITH CARE CAN HELP STABILIZE AND BALANCE OUT 
THE SET UP.  THIS IS A VERY GOOD USE FOR YOUR MODEM AND I AM 
SUPRISED THAT THE COLECO PEOPLE DID NOT MENTION IT IN THEIR 
MANUAL.

4.  PAPER WEIGHT

5 HANG ON BELT AS A FAKE PAPER FOR STATUS.

6.  TO HAMMER NAILS (DO THIS CAREFULLY).

7.  FISHING SINKER OR WEIGHT.

8.  BOAT ANCHOR.

9.  SURF BOARD FOR MICE

l0.  PUT WHEELS ON IT, SKATE BOARD FOR MICE.

ll.  IN WINTER AS SLED FOR MICE.

12.  AS A FRISBEE

13.  AS A BASE FOR BASEBALL GAME.

14.  TIE STRING ON IT & RUN IN STRONG WIND, A KITE.

15.  PUT STICK TIED TO ROPE UNDER IT, SOME CHEESE, HAVE A MOUSE 
TRAP.

16.  SAME BUT USE BREAD CRUMBS INSTEAD OF CHEESE, A BIRD TRAP.

17.  SAME BUT USE SOFTWARE INSTEAD OF CHEESE, A PIRATE TRAP.

18.  HOCKEY PUCK

19.  BALANCE IT ON YOUR HEAD, HELPS GIVE YOU GOOD POSTURE.

20.  PUT IN SHOE TO MAKE YOU TALLER.

NOW I HAVE ONLY GIVEN YOU 20 OTHER USES BUT IN LEROY'S BOOK THERE 
ARE OVER
ONE HUNDRED.

SO YOU CAN SAFELY TRY TELECOMMUNICATIONS WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY 
ABOUT NOT HAVING A USE FOR YOUR MODEM IF YOU DON'T LIKE 
TELECOMMUNICATIONS.  NOW THAT YOU HAVE THE SKILLS TO GET ON A BBS 
AND LEAVE MESSAGES THERE

I FEEL YOU SHOULD ALSO KNOW THAT SUCH ABILITY CARRIES WITH IT 
RESPONSIBILITY BEFORE I CONCLUDE MY TALK ON TELECOMMUNICATIONS, I 
FEEL IT NECESSARY TO RELAY THE FOLLOWING TO YOU, IN THE HOPE THAT 
IT WILL PREVENT SIMILAR TRAGEDIES IN YOUR LIFE AND THAT OF YOUR 
LOVED ONES.  BE WARNED

 ALCOHOL ABUSE AND BBS USE DON'T MIX!

SCENARIO:  JOHN SMITH, RECENTLY RETURNED FROM A BARBECUE AT WHICH 
HE HAS BASTED MORE THAN CHILKEN THIGHS, SITS DOWN AT THE 
KEYBOARD.  HE PROCEEDS TO CALL HIS LOCAL BBS AND LEAVE BARELY 
INTELLIGIBLE BUT HIGHLY INFLAMMATORY MESSAGES TO SEVERAL 
UNSUSPECTING BOARD USERS, MANAGING TO SIMULTANEOUSLY INSULT THEIR 
INTELLIGENCE AND CAST ASPERSIONS ON THEIR HEREDITY.  NEXT TIME HE 
LOGS ON, JOHN WILL BE HURT AND PUZZLED TO FIND HIS ACCESS DENIED.  
HE WILL NOT REMEMBER MAKING THIS CALL.  BLISSFULLY UNAWARE, JOHN 
DISCONNECTS WITHOUT LOGGING OFF, LEAVING THE BBS LOCKED UP, AND 
CAUSING THE SYSOP TO UTTER UNCHASTE COMMENTS WHEN THE PROBLEM IS 
DISCOVERED HOURS LATER.

THE DAMAGE ESCALATES, MRS.  SMITH IS SNUBBED IN THE CAR POOL BY 
ERSTWHILE FRIENDLY NEIGHBORS.  JOHN'S CHILDREN ARE TAUNTED AT 
SCHOOL.  HIS HOME LIFE BECOMES A SHAMBLES.  EVENTUALLY,JJOHN 
STRANGLES HIMSELF WITH A MODEM CORD.  ALL BE CAUSE JOHN DID NOT 
STOP TO THINK THAT ALCOHOL ABUSE AND BBS USE DON'T MIX.

A RARE OCCURRENCE, YOU SAY? THE SAD TRUTH IS THAT EVERY DAY, 
ZILLIONS OF COMPUTER OPERATORS COURT DISASTER BY GETTING BEHIND 
THE KEYBOARD WHILE

UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF CHICKEN MARINADE.  DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN 
TO YOU!  IF YOU OR SO MEONE YOU LOVE IS ON THE SAUCE, DISCONNECT 
YOUR MODEM FROM THE JACK BEFORE DISASTER STRIKES!

 FOR MORE INFORMATION, CONTACT

 BADD
 BBS'S AGAINST DRUNK DIALING

AS THE MODEM POLICE SAY, DRINK AND ITS YOUR BUSINESS, BUT DRINK 
AND BBS AND ITS OUR BUSINESS.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION, YOU HAVE BEEN A FINE AUDIENCE.
DISASTER STRIKES!

 FOR MORE INFORMATION, CONTACT

 BADD
 BBS'S AGAINST DRUNK DIALING

AS THE MODEM 