THE BARRY PATCH:
A regular feature on the St.Louis AUG BBS (3l4-773-l55l, Adam Default Settings: Thur - Sun 9PM - 6 AM). 
 
Portions of the Barry Patch are being reprinted here for the benefit of those sharing certain very serious and grave concerns about the Adam Computer. 
 
Contributions from Readers are welcomed, either by calling the BBS or by writing to ST.LAUG. 
 
MODEM USES:
I use my modem for only a few hours a day and got to thinking what the heck can you do with it the rest of the time. 
 
Well others uses for the Modem became an ongoing project of the Barry Patch with the following results: 
 
^AMODEM USES: 
l. Paper weight 
2. Hang on belt as a fake pager for status. 
3. To hammer nails (do carefully) 
4. Defensively on nuisance callers, hit em with carrier tone. 
5. To balance out your Adam set up. CPU on top of Printer on top of Drive # l on top of Drive #2, on top of power supply. Sometimes you need to wedge modem under it for balance. 
6. Fishing sinker or weight (Ricki Gerlach) 
7. Anchor (Ricki Gerlach) 
8. Tape to window for fake burglar alarm. 
9. Surf board for mice 
l0. Put wheels on it, skate board for mice. 
ll. In winter as sled for mice. 
l2. As a frisbee 
13. As a base for baseball game. 
14. Tie string on it & run in strong wind, A kite. 
15. Raft for insects. 
16. Landing carrier for insects. 
17. Put stick under it, some cheese, mouse trap. 
18. Put stick under it, some birdseed, bird trap. 
19. Put stick under it, some software, Pirate trap. 
20. Bug Killer (Keith Jefferson) 
21. Wire to wall outlet, use as a hot plate.  (Steve Majors) 
22. Stick in back pocket, people will think you have a lot of money in your wallet.  (Zonker) 
23. Stick in front pocket, women will think ..........  (Zonker) 
24. Book Ends (Jay Bolton) 
25. Decorate home in early Adam or early Computer.  (Jay Bolton) 
26. Hockey puck 
27. Kick tee for foot ball. 
28. Rattle for baby (especially if used for hammer lst). 
29. trace squares in school. 
30. For telecommunication (I know that's probably cheating). 
31. Birth control. Keep wedged tightly between knees, do not open knees enough to let it drop. 
32. Balance it on your head, helps give you good posture. 
33. Rub two together to start fire. 
34. Women can put under blouse, men think my they are big & square? . 
35. Men put in shorts as athletic protector. 
36. As a discus. 
37. Put in shoe to make you taller.
 
 
#4 "DISK MAILING" 
 By BARRY (TC11) 
Do you recieve your disks folded, bent, 
stapled &/or mutilated after going thru 
the mail system.  I DO. I have some sug 
gestions that I have tried to over come 
this problem. 
A) DO NOT mark fragile or do not bend a
s this seems to be waiving a red flag a
t a bull (headed postal worker) who wil
l meet the challenge each time. 
B) Try the decoy method. Mail an empty 
envelope (of disk size) mark it fragile 
,magnetic media, do not x-ray, do not b 
end.  Mail your disk in a plain envelop 
 at the same time. The postal employee 
will spend so much time trying to find 
an x-ray machine & magentic to use on t 
he decoy, that the real disk will slip 
by him.  WHAT DO YOU DO ?????
 
 
#5 "MODEM SEX" 
 By BARRY (TC11) 
IN RESPONDING TO THIS POST PLEASE KEEP 
IN MIND THAT THIS IS A FAMILY BOARD & Y 
OUR RESPONSE SHOULD BE DELICATELY WORDE
D SO AS NOT TO OFFEND ANYONE.
I received a letter from an Adamite,who 
 I will only identify as a prominent hi 
gh ranking offical in the Busch Cabine
t to protect his reputution. Anyway he 
asked how he could tell the sex of his 
modem.  I did not ask him why he wanted 
to know & I think we might pass this ov 
er in our responses, we probably really 
dont want to know why he is interested.
I DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF THE 
MODEM, All I know is that mine are app 
arently ALL the SAME sex as I have neve
r found little modems around in the day 
time (or maybe they're sterile) or may 
be, well who knows. CAN SOMEONE HELP OU
T ON THIS ONE ????? 
 
-- RESPONSE #1 -- 
By SHAMAN (UID#1) 
Uh, Barry, you have to take the covers 
off the, uh, mode(u)ms for absolute 
verification of gender.  Which reminds 
me that there are gender menders for 
those who might like to have a nice 
fast lady modem.  SHA
 
 
-- RESPONSE #2 -- 
By BARRY (UID#11) 
AL, I have a SHY modem, it won't let me 
take its cover off ???  I have tried l 
iquor, sweet talk, gifts, candy & flowe 
rs but am having no luck. 
 
Maybe that means its a male modem and t 
herefore not interested in me 
 
OR 
 
Maybe it is a femal modem and I am NOT 
attractive to it.  Who knows. 
Where is Dr. Ruth when you need her. 
 
-- RESPONSE #3 -- 
By DUFFY (UID#6) 
 
To tell the gender of a modem place a s 
crewdriver on the side of the modem wit
h the modem standing on its other side 
tape gently until modem comes apart and 
 if the wires inside are blue then its 
a male BUT if the wires are pink then o
f course its a female!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
-- RESPONSE #5 -- 
By BARRY (UID#11) 
 
REMEMBERING THAT THIS IS A FAMILY 
TYPE 
BOARD, KEEP YOUR RESPONSE PROPER. 
 
Do you know how to use a modem as a 
birth control device ?????? 
 
Details next week OR add your own 
thoughts now. 
 
-- RESPONSE #6 -- 
By KEITH (UID#7) 
Yes in CP/M there is a program called T 
rojan.COM which should be used before i 
ntroduce your modem to other strange mo 
dems. 
 
Oh well I tried...
 
Keith (Moti) 
-- RESPONSE #7 -- 
By SHAMAN (UID#1) 
On Sat Jul 29 1989 12:09 PM 
 
Very personally, uh, I prefer 
SPARTA.COM But its not a PD program 
so don't ask me to share.  SHAMAN 
 
-- RESPONSE #8 -- 
By BARRY (UID#11) 
Modem use as birth control device. 
Possibly might even get approval of the 
Church. 
Place modem between knees, keep knees t ightly together to hold modem in place. 
DO NOT allow knees to open far enough for mode to fall from between them. 
If female member of pair will do this t he modem should function properly as a 
birth control device.
 
 
#6 "1200 BAUD" 
 By BARRY (TC11) 
Jim Duffy & myself have been having a f riendly argument or discussion on the b est way to go 1200 baud.  Jim seems to 
feel putting 4 300 Baud adamlink modems 
(one in each expansion port & one in si side port) is the way to go. I feel tha t putting 300 Baud SOFTWARE in each of 
2 disks drives & each of 2 tape drives 
is the proper way to go. 
Can any of you technical people out the re give us some help on this ?????????? 
1200 baud or bust 
 
-- RESPONSE #2 -- 
By KEITH (UID#7) 
On Sat Jul 29 1989 1:39 AM 
 
The speed of the modems depends on the 
sneakers it wears.  The sneakers are ne ever seen because when not in use they 
are retracted as a turtle does its body
  Go to the nearest computer dealer and 
 buy 1200baud MODEM sneakers.  Since it s quite difficult to get into the MODEM 
and put on the new sneakers most people 
just buy a new one with 1200 baud sneak ers already being worn.
 
Am I getting better? 
 
Keith (MOTI) 
 
Using MADAM7 
 
-- RESPONSE #3 -- 
By BARRY (UID#11) 
 
Are you on your 7th Madam or is tha the 
7th house you are visiting. 
ALso how come you dont share your 
information & addresses wit the rest of 
us guys ???
 
 

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